To buy or not to buy…that is the question

When you are hopeful adoptive parents with no definite date for a placement, there comes a time when you are at a crossroads.  Do you go out and buy a bunch of baby items, just a few, or hold off entirely, waiting until you are placed with a child. This is a common question I have been hearing about quite a bit lately, and one I have been asking myself for some time.

In our case, months before we even began the home study process, Eric painted the room that will become our baby’s nursery – it’s a soft, peaceful, beautiful color we love.  But now that we have been approved since July, I am beginning to think about other things that we will need when we are placed with a baby.  But, like many expectant adoptive moms, I worry about jinxing our situation – which I know is completely ridiculous, but nevertheless, a worry.

Part of me feels we should purchase a few of the things we know we’ll need right away, and wait on the rest. I think doing so might be good for us emotionally.  And it is a known fact that creative visualization of a situation you are dreaming of may very well help bring them to fruition. Perhaps doing a little shopping could shake things up in a good way.  Then there’s the the fear many of us have in the back of our minds – looking on a fully decorated nursery with longing while it remains empty.

It can be so difficult to manage your hopes and expectations when you’re an expectant adoptive mom. When you are unmatched and waiting, you have no idea when, or in fact, whether, an adoption will take place.  You run the line between incredible excitement and hopeful joy at the thought of realizing your dream to become the best mom ever and love your child unconditionally, to absolute fear of  never being able to realize that dream.

For now, we are saving extra funds in a special account for some of the items we would need to purchase right away when a child is placed with us – so that feels good.  We’re also doing research to learn which models of this or that are recommended.  I bought one item a couple of years ago – a really beautiful Santa cookie plate.  It was something I saw and right away knew it would become a keepsake that would one day play a recurring part in our child’s life.  Are there things you have seen that you couldn’t resist buying? How do you feel about this issue and how did you handle it during your wait? We’d love to know!


6 responses to “To buy or not to buy…that is the question

  1. As an adoptive parent I will tell you that we went through the same agonizing issues. I confess that the only furniture in our nursery until right before the big day was a glider. THe glider was a hand-me-down from my sister and best friend…it came w/ happy memories and love. It was functional and it provided comfort on many levels. I used it in a photo for our album to potential birthmothers and I confess that sometimes I sat in the dark and cried in it when I was having a particularly tough moment during our “waiting time”. I refrained from purchasing anything until the moment our daughter was born and the papers signed. That was what worked for me….it’s such a personal decision and I knew that if I had bought something in advance I would have felt a greater emptiness in my blue moments. You need to know yourself and your heart. That glider has been passed along and now sits in our church nursery where I can go for a glide for old times sake or smile as I glance in at someone else finding comfort in it. I wish I could fast forward for you guys as I know there is a very lucky child who is meant to be yours – plan, dream and enjoy one another in the meantime. I know It’s a tough road, but you have much to look forward to! There’s a glider in your future –no doubt and a baby to fill it!

  2. I ran across your blog and feel like I could have written the exact same post! We are going through the same thoughts. For now, we have decided on a car seat and a small bag of baby items – diapers, onesies, wipes, etc. We know that the rest will come one way or another.

    Best Wishes to you – I hope your nursery is complete with a baby very soon!

  3. I was just reading your blog (it got linked to mine as similar) and I totally am having the same feelings you are having right now! We havent even had our home study yet, but since its a completely empty bedroom (we arent using it for anything right now since we just moved 8 months ago, I couldnt picture going through the work of making it a guest room when thats not what I want it to be!) the desire to fill it is so strong. We had a crib given to us, but besides that, we haven’t gotten anything. I will keep reading!

    • Thanks for your comment and for reading! 🙂 It is difficult, isn’t it? And it really depends on what each individual is personally comfortable with. I have a good imagination, so I can picture most of what we’d like in the room, and when our baby comes we can just get to it and pick up what we need when we need it.

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